He drove Jasmina and her children to the front lines, gave something to the Serb soldiers there and directed her toward the Bosnian position, saying, "now you are free to go. I weighed only 45 kilos [99 pounds]. I carried both my children for more than a kilometer to the Bosnian side. Jasmina was safe but scarred. I wanted to die, to disappear somehow. I couldn't take care of my children; others did that.
I just didn't have the strength or the will. A new low came when doctors began to treat her in one of the refugee centers around the city of Tuzla. It was too late for any abortion, but I kept saying I didn't want that child.
The gynecologist pleaded with Jasmina to have the child and give it up for adoption, saying it was too dangerous to try anything else.
But that was no option for Jasmina. Finally, medics said they could try to abort the child but it was a very risky operation that only one in women would survive.
Jasmina herself continues to have gynecological health problems stemming from her abuse. Months later, her husband arrived at the same refugee center after managing to escape a camp in Serbia.
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A man he broke out with was killed by a mine. I wasn't even sure if I wanted him to be dead or alive. I knew that he knew what had happened to me, so it was very, very difficult for me," Jasmina said.
But he told me he was not going to ask me about anything. And that he also went through terrible things himself, so he didn't want to discuss anything. Jasmina said she was unable to talk to the therapists in Tuzla and tried to kill herself inthe first of three suicide attempts.
She now lives in a modestly furnished apartment in a tower block in Sarajevo, the capital of Bosnia-Herzegovina. She has been there since with her husband and children.
Her dreams now are for her children. She believes it's crucial she give them some stability but says that's impossible when she doesn't know from day to day whether she will be evicted.
She does not own the apartment, and all property must be returned to rightful owners under the terms of an annex to the U.
The same pact allows for the return of all refugees and displaced people - more than half of the country's people left their homes during the war, according to the International Organization for Migration - and the re-establishment of the mixed ethnic communities that had lived peacefully for centuries before the war.
The Office of the High Representative for Bosnia-Herzegovinaan international body set up to oversee the implementation of the peace agreements, says almost all property rights have been restored. But it is impossible to say how many people have gone home and how many have sold their houses, leaving cities and towns like Bijeljina "ethnically cleansed," as the warmongers had planned. A law enacted in September does include a section that says homes should be provided for victims of sexual torture during the war.
It is not clear who should implement the act, and there is no agency making sure the law is enforced, according to the Ministry for Human Rights and Refugees.
Meanwhile, authorities say Jasmina should return to her mother-in-law's rebuilt house in Bijeljina. But she says she will never go back to the place where she lost 39 members of her family and where her abuse began.
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It is a fear shared by other women, according to Alisa Muratcaus, the president of the Association of Concentration Camp Survivors - Canton Sarajevo - a group that offers classes and other support to Jasmina and 1, other women across the capital, including victims of mass rape. Not all members are able psychologically to return to regions in which they suffered such extreme human rights abuses," she said. The Sarajevo municipality that owns Jasmina's apartment says that it does not plan to evict her and that any such directive would come from the Ministry for Human Rights and Refugees.
Saliha Djuderija, head of the Ministry's Department of Human Rights, said she was aware of victims who could not face returning to the places where they were tortured and was working on a solution.
In the past couple of years, between 15 and 20 women have been given somewhere to live, but lack of funding is restricting the help that can be given. Priority was given to women who testified against their attackers, and Jasmina is not in that group, as her case is still unsolved.
But if her future is in doubt, Jasmina's mind is made up.
I told my children when I die, don't take my bones to Bijeljina. I don't want to hear about Bijeljina. It doesn't exist for me," she said, flashing anger for the first time in a lengthy interview. Then she shows a picture of her daughter, a beautiful young woman, but even that causes Jasmina pain as she remembers how the soldiers picked her out.
It cost me my life. us MySpace StumbleUpon Mixx it Share. Share this on:. Mixx Facebook Twitter Digg delicious MySpace StumbleUpon. My classroom was on the first floor of the elementary building - just a staircase away from Gary. Every day at 3 p. Inevitably, a few of his favored year-old students would still be hanging around - joking with him or sitting on his lap. Some days Gary would oversee an after-school activity. The gifted and talented club was invitation only - Gary's invitation, that is.
Trouble was: Gary had no real training or authority to be administering IQ tests. Instead, he gave kids a short multiple-choice test, the Mickey Mouse kind sold in bookstores.
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Then, based on his findings, he labeled certain kids - the kids he liked and wanted to spend more time with - as "gifted. I was gifted, according to Gary. This was a real convenience, as he demanded I join his, and only his, after-school clubs. He signed me up for his drama club too and encouraged me to sing in the school talent contest. On the night of the show, various kids performed their acts, and the winner was chosen based on audience response.
Gary was among the judges who awarded me first prize. After that, I was given the lead in all the school plays that he directed. To the other parents, I suppose it seemed that Gary was harmlessly lauding his new daughter.
In a certain way, he was.
Not because he actually thought I was gifted or talented. Gary was a narcissist, and narcissists view their families as extensions of themselves, as trophies. Gary believed he was superior, so it was imperative that the world see his daughter as superior too. Behind closed doors it was a different story. Gary treated me with a dizzying blend of over-involvement, neglect, overindulgence and cruelty. With Svengali-like skill, he quickly took over every ct of my life, dictating what I wore, to whom I talked, even what toys I used.
Gary dictated what I wore, to whom I talked, even what toys I used. He also strove to monopolize my time - an easy accomplishment since my mother left for work before I awoke and didn't return until evening. During the school year, this meant Gary had me all to himself for an hour each morning and at least three hours every afternoon.
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Once summer came, he had me all day, every day, all to himself. This meant being subjected to daily "training sessions" - intense periods when I was explicitly instructed on how to behave and think like a slave. Much like a dog must be trained to sit, to stay, to heel, practitioners of sadomasochism believe a sex slave must be trained in how to speak, sit, serve.
In short, like a dog, she must be taught total obedience. Gary's dungeon was in the basement. Instead, he left a series of nails and hooks attached to the ceiling beams, which could quickly and easily hold a harness, a rope or some other type of bondage device. While much of Gary's paraphernalia had to be kept hidden, I could tell he also had some fun in displaying a few tools of his trade. The dog cage, for instance, was left in plain sight - folded up in a cluttered corner where it appeared to be waiting for the next garage sale.
He also kept a wooden paddle hanging on the wall of his home office, which he jokingly told guests was for "errant children. Nor did most people realize that he kept a set of metal handcuffs in his desk drawer, right next to a stun gun and his handgun.
I can't remember being threatened with the gun - although it may have happened. Due to amnesia, as well as the normal forgetfulness of memory, there are many details about my abuse I can't recall. I know this because, over the years, eyewitnesses have told stories about my abuse that I cannot personally remember. I do, however, remember Gary threatening me with the stun gun repeatedly.
He even used it on me once. Once was all it took. For after experiencing the excruciating, utterly indescribable pain it inflicted, I never, ever wanted to experience it again. When he wasn't hurting me, he lavished me with parental attention. On the long drives to and from school, he would initiate conversations about history, politics and art.
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We ate nearly every meal together while he instructed me on things like table manners and ethnic cuisine. He gave me my first typewriter and influenced my decisions to become both a writer and psychologist.
He took the time to open up the world for me. He was my first and most significant mentor.
Under my mother's care, I'd been neglected and deprived. She was constantly at work, leaving me alone and lonely.
Gary preyed on that loneliness. Like any skilled pedophile, he identified what I needed, and he gave it to me. He made me feel special, talented, smart. Even sexually, staying on Gary's good side had its advantages. For once he felt I had become sufficiently trained and submissive, most of the torture tapered off. Afternoons in the basement were replaced by the bedroom.
And his fervor to cause me pain was replaced with a passion to bring me pleasure.
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I suspect it made him feel powerful - like more of a man. Nearly every day at 4 p. The weird part, of course, was that his "lover" was just under four feet tall and weighed less than 60 pounds. There was also the inconvenient fact that his official lover, my mother, refused to vanish. Unable to ditch her physically, he did it emotionally instead.
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Every evening, he locked himself in his home office. Every weekend, he went to his store.
At 8 years old, I was being asked to choose between my mother and Gary. It was not a real decision, of course. Gary knew this. If I chose Gary, he would immediately whisk me away from my mother's Fourth volume of the project XConfessions, this film includes 10 erotic cinematic stories. From foodie fantasies to sexual confessions inspired by famous TV shows (Mad Men Porn), these stories will seduce and entertain. Director: Erika Lust | Stars: Selina A.K., Poppy Cox, Samia Duarte, Ian Grey. Votes: 19 Sex slave: 'Every day we were raped'. SARAJEVO, Bosnia-Herzegovina (CNN) - The outbreak of war seemed like a joke to Jasmina, then just 19 years old. She dreamed of being an economist and says
As I was expected to work for him, I followed wherever he went. Very early on, my mother began to notice this pattern, and she didn't like it. Not one bit. Being immature, she didn't handle the situation with grace.
She felt excluded, which she was.
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So she began to yell a lot, mostly at me. One particular Saturday morning we had probably been living with Gary for about six weeksI was in the bathroom getting dressed for the flea market, just as I did every weekend.
But my mother wasn't happy, so she stood in the doorway, whining. You oughta be staying home with me.
Just then, Gary came into the hall. My mother cornered him. Gary, as always, remained calm during my mother's onslaught. Nonchalantly, he remarked, "Why don't you let Mooch decide what she wants to do today?